Sunday, 9 April 2017

The toll it takes

Its kind of hard to keep track. Its only when you look back it hits you.
The hours lost to pain.
The words no longer able to find
The confidence vanished.
The tears shed.
I can't believe it's been so long since my last update. Oh I'd love to be able to tell you that things are on the up.
Errr NOPE, just when you think it can't get any worse.....oh yeah it can.
My health is much the same, on its way down again. My hips will need injecting soon, I don't seem to have a follow up appointment after all that hard work in Harolds Cross Hospice and no follow up...eh??
Just get on the phone you may say. I can't think how to explain how hard it is to talk on the phone. Writing is one thing. This piece was started a month ago. The phone though. There's no hiding the fact that you can't find a word. Have a total, and I mean total mental block, not one word. You can almost see the blank space. The more you realise what you're stumbling over then the anxiety kicks in and the stuttering starts.
This is me remember, the ICU nurse. Never had a problem talking, my friends and colleagues can attest to that! Lol
So, the phone call goes unmade.....
That seems so insignificant now though.
My darling partner is finally divorced from his ex.
I will soon (and my 3yr old son) will be made homeless.  Oh and having to rehome our fur babies that we've had 10 years!! That's heartbreaking enough as it is!!!
No income, no savings, living hand to mouth on disability allowance. Waiting on a carers allowance appeal. Yup, appeal. I'm not disabled enough. Ugh.
So here we are appealing for emergency housing. 
Sounds so dramatic but it's actually true.
When you are really ill, you rely so very much on others. The stress of all of will only serve to make me worse (dread to think how).
Again I stress, I'm not alone, these struggles are not isolated. Please if you know someone with a chronic illness, just see if there's anything you can do for them? Can you make that phone call?
Once again I've waffled on.
Thank you so much for reading this, please share my story if you can.
I recently did an interview for the journal.ie which I would love for you to read, watch and share.
I've not mentioned CBD here but you will see me talk about it in my interview.  I'll discuss it properly at another time.
http://www.thejournal.ie/fibromyalgia-chronic-pain-cbd-oil-3334489-Apr2017/#respond
Finally as much as it still pains me to ask, if anyone can help I'd be so grateful. My go fund me link is below.
https://www.gofundme.com/invisibilityhurts
Much love and gentle hugs to all 

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