Wednesday, 2 November 2016

Paying the price

I left the house yesterday. "So what" I hear you say.
Well I haven't left the house since my last doctors visit. In fact I have ONLY left the house for medical reasons in the last 5 months!! Bone deep pain and exhaustion that is impossible to comprehend (I'm literally wiped out after a few agonising steps).

I am 42!!! 40 frigging 2!!! Going on 92!!

This is Fibromyalgia. It has taken my life. It has stolen my very being.
Now I live either in bed or if I'm lucky down in my recliner.
Before anyone starts. I know I am lucky. I have an attentive partner and the most adorable little boy in the world.
If they were not here though........

So yesterday I dragged myself up and got dressed. Into the car with the boys and 5mins drive to a local beach. It was glorious. It was pigging FREEZING but it was wonderful to see the joy on my darling sons face at having me there. Granted I just sat and watched him play but it was fabulous.

But is the but... Today I am even worse than ever. My hips and back in spasm. Run over by the invisible steam roller in my "sleep" (I use the term loosely) whilst lifting huge weights with my arms. In bed. Crying in pain. Trying to hide it though.

Pain killers not working. Still no access to the medications I need as HSE won't pay and I can't afford. How I am not insane I've no idea!

Next time you hear someone has Fibromyalgia. Don't say "get well soon", please don't share your stories of aunt fanny who used to have it but it vanished. It doesn't go away. The lucky few may find treatment that works but a lot of us struggle to make it through a day without really dark thoughts.
So instead of " get well soon" maybe "keep fighting" would be better. Or a simple "I understand".

Just remember this. I am not in my bed because I choose to be. I would love to be playing with my son. I would love to be working at the career I've spent 20 years building. I would love to even pop to the shops.
But I can't and its not through choice. Until I can get the help I need I will have to keep fighting. I have no choice. I have a son. He is my reason 💓

Thank you for reading.

Please share folks. Let's raise awareness!

Link to my gofundme page below. As embarrassing as it is to need to ask. This is what it has come to.

Gentle hugs to all 💜💜💜💜💜


  1. Jo my heart goes out to you. When I think of the hours we worked together I am sure you would give anything to do it again. Keep going don't give up. Your blog is so moving I have a lump in my throat. I don't know what I can do to help you except give a gentle hug back best wishes Jo keep fighting and the spirits up x

    1. Thank you sweetheart. Oh god yes!! I'd give anything to be able to get back to that! For now my goal is getting out of bed. Not sure that goal will be achieved today though 😥